My secret Lover

The last stick

I swore

Never more

As I stubbed out the last of cancer sticks

Or was it

Last night I wanted to live

I saw something moving behind the trees

Was it love?

Maybe it was, maybe it was worth betraying

My secret of 3 decades

Of finally letting go

I came back to my stick lover

Every time I was anxious

Or needed focus

Companion on the road to boredom

Financial insecurity, infidelity and autism

But this is different,

It’s a life snuffed out too early

Like my last stick

This morning I woke up

To make a trip to the store

To for a tryst with my secret lover

Hoping eventually he will snuff out the pain

It may not be a one night stand

This may be something life-long

Till death do us part

In health, leading to sickness